"So you just do what you want huh?"

I might be feeling less of this. I may be in love but I'm just not focusing on it.


I hope that one day, I feel nothing when I see your name or your pictures. I hope one day I'll see you and it would feel like just seeing an old friend or school mate. And when I walk by the places where we ate, I'd remember the food and not you; then when I go window shopping, I'd look for what I want to buy instead of thinking I would've bought gifts for you if we were still together. When I plan a home, it would be just mine and no longer ours. The last bite would be mine, I wouldn't have to beg for anything. I may live my life alone, but at least less miserable than sharing you with someone who reminds me of not wanting to wake up in the morning.

You were wrong with me, just the same way that I'm wrong with you.

Near that Division

Well, what can I say? Weeks after my last entry, many things have changed. I'm at home today, no classes. I got my 199 grade already. I spared this blog from the rants of making and revising 199. I feel relieved actually.

I'm very near to that point where I'm going to say "I'm finally graduating" 199 was my biggest fear and I survived that course. Now I'm just waiting for Econ. and fixing papers. I'm thinking of how it feels to have no rant posts under the UP tag. I feel sadness.

I believe I'm going to worry about new things now. There are times in your life that you love so much and it hurts you to leave them all behind, but the choice to stay will not make you happy either. So it's better to move on.

BTW, I'm a registered voter already.

I want to enjoy these times. I want to mark an end, and a beginning. :)

Whatta Friday!

Thursday first: Araneta Center WiFi sucks! Super fail when I so needed it to function properly!

Anyway, Friday morning was very accommodating with sleepy heads like me. Cold and rainy. I woke up late but just in time to get my clothes at Eastwood. I rushed to school for 199 exam. Wow. It was just wow. My professor gives the most challenging exams. I love her! She's the best :D

I was not able to extend since I would be reporting for my next class (also the reason why I had to get my clothes). We started late because we were waiting for the ppt. It went well for me, too bad my group mate did not have ample time to deliver his report (exactly what happened to me when we first presented).

After class, I went to CMC to see Miko. Haven't seen her in a long time! Eastwood plans ditched, Pam (with the new haircut) came; then Carmi, then Grace, then Thesa. We ended up at Hub. Pam and Carmi weren't able to come though. We ate. Thesa and Grace left right away. And I was with Miko. Haha wow. I missed her. That's all I will and can say. :D



Just when I reached home, there was this weird guy who was just plain weird. Ugh. I do not want to lay down details but it's a little scary. :|

This is the Battle of our Generation

I have lost the enthusiasm in joining rallies. I always tell my friends, people who rally on the streets are fighting for different causes. If you see leaflets distributed by protesters, they look like a hodge podge of arguments. If I join, I really do not know my cause, I do not really know what I want to happen after the protest.

I always think of martial law. I wonder what it was like to fight for something. Iba kasi noon eh. Today, we are diverted by iPods, internet, Wii, malls, Starbucks, parties, movies, music, texting, blogging (ehem).

Noon limitado ang pinapalabas sa TV, pinapatugtog sa radyo, iniimprenta sa dyaryo. Ngayon, ilang chanels mayroon ng cable TV? Ilang banda at solo artists ang naririnig galing sa buong mundo? Sama mo na yung mga independent artists na pinakatatago sa playlist para astig ka dahil ikaw lang may kilala sa kanila. Ilang dyaryo ang mabibili? Tabloid, magazine, mga FHM, ganyan. Dami diba?

Diverted ang attention natin eh, kaya hindi tayo focused masyado sa pulitika.

They say when a society has fulfilled its material needs, it begins to focus its attention to issues of human rights, standard of living, environment protection etc. (Post-materialist) Habang materyal na bagay ang pinoproblema ng isang bansa, they fight about ideology. Dapat pantay-pantay, yung iba naman gusto kapitalismo, mga ganong bagay.

We haven't met our material needs. Nasa ideology struggle pa yata tayo eh. Kasi ang tao, ayaw ipaalis ang mga pabrika dahil mawawalan ng trabaho. Hayaan ng magtapon ng dumi sa ilog basta may makain paguwi.

When Ondoy took us by surprise, I realized we have a more serious battle than the martial law kids. Why? Because we are caught in the intersection of materialist and post-materialist problems. Hindi lang ito pagpapaalis ng diktador na nagpapahirap sa buhay ng mga tao, sa panahon natin ngayon, pati diktador pwedeng maging biktima. Yes, freedom is not a material thing pero part of ideology pa rin yun. (Liberal)

The damages brought about by Ondoy were partly due to geographical constants (Marikina, Cainta, and Pasig are valleys), partly caused by negligence of developers (areas were not fit for urban development), partly of corruption (800M from emergency fund spent on GMA's foreign trips) and last, our own irresponsibility as citizens.

Yung bibilhing mga damit sa Greenhills o Divi, ipapasupot pa pwede naman ilagay ng sama-sama sa bag. Yung basura pag walang makita na basurahan, pasimpleng laglag sa sidewalk o kaya paliliparin habang nakasakay sa sasakyan. Yung chewing gum idudura sa kalsada (natatapakan ko tuloy! Any ba yun.)

Hindi man natin kayang ilikas ang lahat ng tao palayo sa valleys, o ipakulong yung mga developers na nagsitayuan ng mga subdivision sa di masyadong safe na lugar, at singilin si Gloria sa mga ginastos nya sa ibang bansa, maging malinis na lang tayo. Even in our little ways we can save lives.

We should start fighting our generation's battle. Protect the environment.

Nothing Bad about It

Got an e-mail from mom:

TO ALL PINOY KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 50's, 60's, 70's and early 80's!

First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne, smoked and/or drank San Miguel Beer or Syoktong, while they carried us. The manghihilot was the cheapest way to deliver babies. Dinala ka ba ng nanay mo sa pediatrician for DPT? While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, cortal or medicol, ate isaw, and didn't worry about diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker (andador)natin, matigas na kahoy or rattan at wala pang gulong.

We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang), (noon cloth or rattan duyan lang tied to the posts or ceiling, babies fell asleep sa sobrang hilo) and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads, sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.

Take-out food was limited to Ongpin's pansit or Aling Toyangs pre-cooked ulam in kalderos. No pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway, Jollibee; and, coffee was just kape hinde ga-mahal as in Starbucks.

As children, we would ride in jeepneys libre pag kandong,hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na)

Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. (ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata) Did you make your own saranggola and pasted bubog on the strings?

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 711(minsan straight from the faucet or poso) walang 711 noon, sari-sari store ni Mang Akong to buy sarsi, suntan, RC cola or choco-vim.

We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from this or contracted hepatitis.
We ate rice with star margarine, pampatangkad daw, took raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank softdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren't sick or overweight kasi nga......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso, habulan at taguan.Tandaan mo ba PIKO, step-no-step- yes, trumpo, garter & mala-ahas sa haba na goma? Kung naulan, jackstones, pick-up sticks or sungka, bahay-bahayan, tinda-tindahan, titser-teacher- an or swimming sa baha or kangkungan.

No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cellphone, walang beepers). And yes, we were O.K. Sipol lang ni tatay ang meron noon!

We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street, only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cellphones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and no Friendsters, Facebook. MSN etc. ...... ...WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them! TV viewing was a treat, kilala mo ba si Popeye, Gumby, Betty Boop & followed the bouncing ball in Melody Tunes? That was karaoke then, LOL!
We climbed walls and trees (to get aratiles and catch salagubang & tutubi - tied them on the neck with a string), fell out of trees, got cut or "bukol", broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..beh buti nga !

We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream, fish balls & inihaw na baga. We were not afraid of getting sick or germs in our stomachs.

We had to live with homemade guns, gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan, pero masaya pa rin ang lahat. We made up games with sticks (syatong), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay... paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.

We walked a lot, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made to the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala iyang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.

Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tingnan kung ayos lang ang mga bata, hindi para makialam at makipag-away sa ibang parents.

That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas..

We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.
You might want to share this with others who've had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed.

And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.

PS - The big letters are because your eyes may not be able to read this if they were typed any smaller (at your age!)




I imagine how it's like in the old days and I feel some envy. I love the past - the history, the places, the look, the style, the ideas, the situation, people's motivations, people's experiences.

I always wonder what it feels like to fight for something, fight for a cause. I wonder how it was when life was simple and complicated meant real complication, when different was really different and eccentric was not picked up in the internet.

I shout "Bravo!" to the 50's. 60's, 70's, even the 80's. All the things that happened when I was not even a plan were and are awesome.

It's 2009. Don't you think that the mothers and fathers today are the parents of the kids who's scared of catching hepatitis on isaw, who's paranoid about how dangerous it is outside their homes that they want their kids locked up with video games; aren't they the parents who do not teach their kids how to make kites?

Because it's kind of cliche for me. Mom - I love her the most but she's human. She and my dad and other parents out there are contradictions, just like all the young kids are.

I mean, she doesn't want me out of the house after school, doesn't want me to stay long after class etc. I could have been a real kid too. I could've learned to ride a bike if they weren't so scared to let me. All the real kids from 20's, 50's, 60's and 70's in our home didn't think we had to be real kids. Other kids could be bad influence, streets were scary, playing was unnecessary.

Yes, their generation produced the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals; the CEO's, engineers, doctors and military generals of today. And guess what, when they retire and choose to relax, we will take over. We will produce the best as well. :D

The Letter X

I was sitting on a chair in FC 3145 during my 199 class. We were talking about research design that afternoon. My professor, the one I look up to the most, was discussing pseudo-experimental tests.

It was like a movie scene. I'm sitting on my chair; my professor discussing the variables and as she traces the letter x into thin air, trying to make us comprehend the works of a researcher, her voice fades. The view moves from the other side of the room, still focused on the her as she eagerly explains things. I begin to speak in my mind.

I have to remember this moment. When I graduate (and I hope I do), I would miss this. The feeling of having something more to learn and having someone to teach you and expecting he or she is the best and feeling it's okay to commit mistakes. I will miss this. :)

Lightheaded

Can't even think of where to start. Thesis sucks.


Chopped off my hair.


Now my head feels light figuratively and literally.