The Expectations - Reality at it's Worst

I've been thinking and planning for days. Playing those scenes in my mind over and over again. It should have been a week from now but last week there came a "good news". Yup, it was moved today. It was all good at first until I knew that Kuya's exam actually starts today. Then, that I had fever, then sore throat, then dry cough! Then, that we might have to go to Cubao this afternoon for my cousins. THEN, THAT MY DAD WOULD NOT GO TO WORK EARLY BECAUSE HE HAS TO DRIVE MY BROTHER AND MY MOM TO THE STATION FIRST. And yes, he was the first one to wake up. I don't know why on earth couldn't he just move faster. He just have to take a damn shower and put on a shirt, pants and a pair of shoes with a pair of socks. JUST THAT SIMPLE and he couldn't do it fast. So there goes days of planning. Argh. I'm so disappointed. Why? Why now? I mean, of all days that this could all happen, why now? I'm so upset it makes me want to cry. Some people are just plain worse than me, but they don't get this, do they? I'm up at fucking 730 a.m. ranting! And blogging by the way.

I'm in this quest of finding the best solution to a long-running problem. I should've numbered them one by one to know how many times I've failed to execute my plans.

Plan # unidentified (2010): Maybe I'd see you on Wednesdays, need not be every week, and make it a point to be pleasant and nice to each other. When we're together, it's as if we're together. When we're not together, we're not together. How's that?

I've done a lot of thinking. When I think I know what option would hurt least, I try to go for it. It would work, until it hurts. I then find another option - it would work, until it hurts. It would always feel good, until it hits me - it's another night in my room with tight grips on my pillow just so I won't sound like a crying kid who can't sleep but can't watch cartoons either.

Sometimes, things get so superficial that it hurts like hell tonight but I'll be too lazy to think of it tomorrow.

I haven't done anything productive today. Signing off.

Speed

Things happen so fast. How fast should it happen? When you say you need time, it takes time - how much time do you really need? How much time before other people say "That's too much" I really don't know.
I take too much time in moving on. I have a hard time forgetting. It's really difficult for me. Now, I hope and pray things happen fast enough (not that days would go by faster, I mean things happen everyday that no day is wasted) so I can outgrow negative thoughts that linger in my head every night.
I hope things would go the way I want them to. Yun lang. I want to leave all these hate behind. People suck. I have to accept that. They don't think, feel, and I act like I do. Ok? I have to deal with that. I have to learn how to deal with that.
I hope someday, when I look at you, I'd remember only the good things.