The Good Things that Come Out of Unfortunate Events

This week's fridate was a different one.

My friend's mom passed away early this week. I just got home and went on line last Tuesday, the first thing I read was her message, telling me what happened. My heart sank for a few minutes I was even tearing up a bit. It was so hard to imagine someone losing his/her mom.

We had agreed to let go of the usual fridate pig out to go to the wake. It was kind of weird that we were group texting talking about going to a funeral parlor. Aren't we young for this? Sure I had my first wake with friends last month but it feels different thinking one of my closest friend's mom died. However, I had to admit I got a bit excited knowing we would have a little bit of a get together after a while.

Ayee picked me up at Cubao then we headed off to Maginhawa because Pma and Pao were there for their so called emergency. Truth be told, Ayee and I were getting a bit grumpy cause we had planned this days before and they were causing us delay for a fake emergency (yeah, we can tell. cause who gets an emergency and stays at Tomatokick? like duh) plus this is not just any fridate. We were going to a wake for chris' sake, someone can only die once!

So anyway, it did help that we got milk tea from Moonleaf and luckily, after what seems to be a lifetime, caramel pudding was available. We decided to just meet up there so we waited for Erika and Ate Kami as well. To our surprise, Fiona was with them! Oh my she's gotten so big already! I remember not so long ago she was in Erika's tummy while we were scaring each other about ghosts at Sacay and now she is this adorable and girly little kid (not to mention very well behaved)

(Everyone cracked up when Pao said the last time she saw Fiona was when she celebrated her 7th birthday. LOL what a lie, she's just five!)

We got there at around 830 already and the place was just plain packed! We stood outside for more than an hour chatting and catching up. it's good to see that Carmi's holding up pretty well. (I guess). I'm praying that they would be ok. I know we all are. She's a strong woman and I can't help but be amazed by her. She's been through a lot - makes me want to think twice when I want to whine about my life. She may not know it but I look up to her. I know she is far from perfect but she has a good heart.

I just miss us being together. Since we graduated from college, it has been so hard to get us in one place at the same time. The random afternoons at school were long gone. It kind of makes me real sad. I think about those sunny days when we bump into each other just like that. Like it was the most normal thing in the world and now, someone had to pass away to get us all in. Well, scratch that, not even all of us.

I told Erika how I feel old and grown up. That I think we already belonged to those people who say they only get to see friends on wakes.

Whew. Well, on a lighter note, as a superstition of making "pagpag" after you visit the dead and as my own physical need for food (I haven't eaten anything for the day), we went off and searched for some place to eat. We ended up at JT's. And of course, we saw JT. hehe.

It was pleasant having dinner at a long table with good old friends like good old days. Fiona had dinuguan. LOL, I don't even eat that, isn't she just so likable for a kid? I really don't have my way on these little creatures I find it hard getting along with them and they're kind of irritating when they're 5 you know. But Fiona was a good kid, I can just tell. Of course, Pma being a child at heart, became her instant playmate. They were so cute, I had stopped a few seconds for a couple of times just to watch them.

We went to get ice cream after that. Wow, that's the best part! :p

It was past twelve so we decided to head home.

This is why I love Fridays. I can't even work the whole day cause my mind has a giant sign with blinking neon lights that spelled FRIENDS. It doesn't really matter if we celebrate or mourn, I just feel happier when I'm with them.

I can't wait for the day that I would start looking forward to Mondays again

I feel extremely unhappy this weekend. Last Monday I decided not to go to work because

This is getting serious. I don't know how long I could hold up for that fucking job you know? I've waited. And well, I thought I would't have to anymore cause it feels like the deal has been forgotten. I was actually planning to file my resignation last week, or this week at the latest. I even tol a few friends how excited and nervous I am. Then it came again, oh my god, the deal is still freakin on. I know I agreed to this and I am genuinely happy to grand a friend a favor but, this is becoming too much. I mean if thisjob aint a bitch at all I think I could even wait longer but hell it's kinda killing me. Like every time I wake up I expect it to be a bad day unless it's a Friday or Saturday. This week, I had to bring home some papers to finish them at home. I just want my weekend to be peaceful and happy and the thought of work ruins it. In addition, I keep on looking forward to Fridays only since that means not having to go to work the next day. That's just lame! (Oh I look forward to Wednesdays too because new eps of Glee come out here on Wednesdays but that's even a lamer reason. Plus, it's already the finale this week so in reality, I have to scratch Wednesday too.) I feel like my life is being cut short because I'm on autopilot staring Sunday night to Thursday night. I can't even wake up on a Sunday happy.

The only thing that is good about my job is the friendships I've built with my co-workers.

Like when someone tells me I'm lucky that given the high rate of unemployment these days, I have a job, I want to punch him/her in the face.

Most of all, I don't want to suck at work. I may hate it but I don't want to be inefficient. But given how I feel about this job and given the work load that's like close to hell, I don't really know if I can do this smoothly.

I just want to get out and fix my life, explore other possibilities. I want to have time to think. I just pray everything falls into place. I've been waiting for the right time. I don't know how long I could manage to to go all AWOL.

2nd Post for Today

What a lazy bum.

I just wanted to blog about some thoughts. Well, I think it's actually inappropriate to "share" the story so I won't name names just so I would not completely destroy other people's privacy.

I was with one of my closest friends yesterday and gahd, I missed her! I don't get to see my friends a lot these days, makes me feel we're not that much friends anymore, you know?

So we were talking and the topic went to how her relationship with her ex, another close friend, is. It saddens me. The way she talked about it sounded so "un-special". I always thought, "Oh they'd get back together. It is just how lovers are. They break up, they come back." They had such a nice relationship, a least for us who saw them when they were together.

And then she told me about how she sees it, how she felt, how she feels. I don't know how she got through it. When I was dealing with ze final break up, I decided to just detach myself completely until a got used to not having that person in my life. And then it was ok, living without her was like an ordinary day. But this friend, she had to go through it spending each day seeing how much they've drifted apart. What a pain to handle right?

And I see she's ok, but exhausted. I don't really know why they ended up like this. Maybe if I hear the other side of the story I'd understand.

On other news, there's another friend who's having relationship problems and I really see myself, a lot of times, in the shoes of her girlfriend. I feel kinda guilty because I'm not being a supportive friend. Maybe it's because when I hear their points and arguments, I just can't help thinking they're not for each other - like how I and my ex were almost a disaster. I know, we're all different people and if it happened to me, it doesn't mean they would have the same fate. So there, I'm not saying much when I get to hear their issues. I just listen. (which is kinda hard cause I'm like forever commenting on things)

For now, I hope everyone is happy :)

Feb 26, 2011

I have known from my mom this afternoon that my uncle's right leg would be amputated. The family fought to save that leg.

Recently, I decided not to go home to Cubao. I felt like it was a complicated place to live in. My mom's not there, Tito's sick, no internet to divert me etc. I did not want to add on to the burdens of the household. I do not know why, but it just became depressing.

I used get off from work and I pass by my uncle's room and we chat, sometimes for more than an hour. I see how bored he is. I see him not being able to stand up. Then I remember about 6 months ago he was so strong and healthy. I get pissed.

Sometimes when I'm so tired I resent that I have to visit him instead of hitting the sack. Sometimes I want to buy things but I can't because I feel guilty spending money that could help him buy his meds. I feel sorry for him and I feel bad about myself.

We have a very close relationship with the extended family. My dad's side to be specific. My dad has 3 siblings, all of them do not have kids. I fear that when they get old I would not be able to provide for them.

Results of the LAE came out early this month. It was not a surprise that I did not pass. At the time I decided to push through the application, I thought "why not take the LAE? So when people ask me why I didn't pursue law school I could just answer I did not pass." For a time I got tired answering the question and getting that "what if" statements.

Now I realized, I'm so good at making messed up decisions. Coming from a middle-middle class family with a lot of sickness history, I should have set a plan with this life early on.

I woke up this morning so confused and irritated because I do not know what to do with my life. I failed the LAE, was not able to apply for grad school, don't have enough time for the Thurs deadline for Henri's suggestion. I have not accomplished anything because up to now, I do not have a clear plan.

I'm getting scared. They try not to involve us so much on these family problems. The problem is that we are. Sooner or later we would have to face these, handle these, take care of these things. I should be capable. I have to have a plan.

We're Just Friends

_________________________________________________________________

Deleted.

Word Diaries 1

Not Just Another Sunday

I'm savouring this moment. I don't know why. I feel like I'm holding on to something. I didn't know holidays and long weekends bring people's emotional side. Haha. Lord, please let me endure the next weeks and months :( Things are getting harder and harder for me to tolerate.

I remember there was a time when I used to hate Sundays. Like after our grocery routine, I feel so bored and drained. I feel like there's nothing else to do blahblah. It was kind of "depressing" I really don't know why. Now, I just realized, after those Sundays were whole weeks of learning in school with friends. It was wonderful.

Blunt Fest

Is it so hard to be warm to the person you love? You're busy, you're out somewhere, having fun, always doing something. Maybe it isn't love, or there isn't enough love.

Ayoko na Mag-isip ng Sagot

Back in college:

Dad: "Pagkatapos mo gumraduate, bahala ka na gawin mo gusto mo."

Just last night: (After watching Live AIDS)

Mom: "Tapos ka na mag-aral, di mo na kailangan yan, diversion lang yan... etc etc etc"

HA??? Ano daw? Di nga? May point ba?

Mom: "Hindi mo ko naiintindihan..." "Maiintindihan mo ko pag naging magulang ka na."

Ako kaya naintindihan nyo? Isa pa, wala yata ako plano magka-anak. Pagod na ko. Hindi na lang ako kumibo. Pera lang sana, pera na lang kailangan ko. Para makatulong sa inyo, para magkaron ng lugar na sa'kin lang, para mas simple ang mga bagay.

There's more to living than being alive.

Pag may gustong gusto kang makuha na tingin ng iba hindi para sayo tapos nakuha mo, inaabangan ng lahat ng tao yung panahon na sasabihin mo, hindi pala ganon kadali o kasaya yun.

Kunyari yung pinsan ko na ayaw lumipat sa LA dahil nandun lahat ng pamilya nya. Gusto nya i-try sa Florida kasi siguro (sabi ng tatay ko) ayaw nya na pinapakialaman sya/sila ng pamilya nya. Nung pinanganak yung anak nya at nahirapan sya mag alaga, sabi ng matatanda, yan na nga ba, ayaw pa nya dun, tingnan nyo hindi rin sya tumagal sa Florida. Wow! Tama sila! Another victory para sa mga tanders! Sa mga bata na nahihirapan at humihingi ng tulong sa mga magulang, hindi ko alam ang tawag satin. Kawawa? Hindi naman siguro. Mahirap lang, mahirap yung may gusto ka at di mo magawa kaya kailangan mo ng tulong, kaya kailangan isipin nila mali ka. Mali ba yung gustuhin mong mabuhay ayon sa gusto mo? Mali bang gustuhin mong magdesisyon para sa sarili mo? Tapos kapag dependent ka naman sa mga magulang/kamag-anak sasabihin naman nila tamad ka, wala kang sariling desisyon. Lalo na pag lalaki, sasabihin nila "wala to, hindi marunong" Gusto nila yung tamang tama lang. Yung kailangan mo sila pero wag kang abuso. Tama naman db? Pag naging successful at independent ka very proud sila. Dun lang. Dun ka lang masusunod sa buhay mo ng walang nega. Dun lang. Kelan pa kayo yun para sakin? Kasi lumipas na ang HS at ang College. Tumatanda na ko, hindi ko na kaya magtry ng mga bagong bagay, yung mga kaibigan ko tapos na sa phase na gusto kong subukan. Nakakatakot na baka kapag may resources at "right" na kong magdesisyon at mabuhay ayon sa gusto ko, tapos na; nalipasan na ko nga panahon.

Hindi ko naranasan yung outing/sleepover ng barkada tapos papasok sa Lunes ng pagod pero sobrang saya. Hindi ko naranasan yung all out na magccontribute para sa extra curricular activity na tipong walang tulog at walang uwi, hindi ko naransan na biglang lumayo pag gusto ko mapag-isa lang o magpalipas ng problema kasama ang kaibigan pag pakiramdam ko wala ako magawa. Marami akong di nagawa, na gusto ko sanang gawin. Kaya yung utak ko kung san san pumupunta. Napupunta sa mga bagay na di ko magawa kahit sa mga bagay na hindi ko gusto gawin.

Tumatanda akong nanghihinayang sa mga panahong nawala, nabubuhay ako na walang magawa kundi isipin kung kelan ko kaya mababawi yung mga panahon na sana parang normal na tao lang ako. Habang tumatagal, nagiging masama ang pakiramdam ko tungkol sa buhay ko. Na minsan gusto kong maging masaya sa bahay pero wala akong gana kasi lagi naman ako nandito at walang magawa. Minsan gusto ko magkwento sa mga kaibigan pero wala ako makwento kasi wala naman akong nararanasan na magandang i-share sa kanila. Hindi ko alam kung anong maganda sakin kasi parang ang flat ng nga bagay, walang character. Kaya wala. Sino na ba talaga ko after 22 yrs? Ako yung taong laging nasa bahay, hindi close sa magulang, walang masabi sa mga usapan, wala masyadong maipagmalaki, nakukuntento dahil di maghihirap pero yun na lang yun.

Hindi ako nag-effprt mag-aral kasi yun lang ang consuelo ko. Yung malaman sa sarili ko na kahit masarap ang tulog ko sa gabi pumapasa ko habang yung iba laging ngang masaya bagsak naman. Yun lang ang spontaneous sa buhay ko - pag aaral. Dun ko lang kayang sabihin na "bahala na" na di masabi pag may lakad kasi laging "hindi ako pwede" lang ang kaya king isagot.

Kaya ayun.

The Expectations - Reality at it's Worst

I've been thinking and planning for days. Playing those scenes in my mind over and over again. It should have been a week from now but last week there came a "good news". Yup, it was moved today. It was all good at first until I knew that Kuya's exam actually starts today. Then, that I had fever, then sore throat, then dry cough! Then, that we might have to go to Cubao this afternoon for my cousins. THEN, THAT MY DAD WOULD NOT GO TO WORK EARLY BECAUSE HE HAS TO DRIVE MY BROTHER AND MY MOM TO THE STATION FIRST. And yes, he was the first one to wake up. I don't know why on earth couldn't he just move faster. He just have to take a damn shower and put on a shirt, pants and a pair of shoes with a pair of socks. JUST THAT SIMPLE and he couldn't do it fast. So there goes days of planning. Argh. I'm so disappointed. Why? Why now? I mean, of all days that this could all happen, why now? I'm so upset it makes me want to cry. Some people are just plain worse than me, but they don't get this, do they? I'm up at fucking 730 a.m. ranting! And blogging by the way.

Alta Presyon

How do I do this? Keri, I stay away. NOT. It's like whatever I do, I still look like an idiot. Even when I do nothing.

False Alarm

I think I was wrong. There wasn't anything, not even a word. So there, it's getting calm again.

Maybe just before this year ends, I'll realize there's a little more room for a little more drama.

Just this evening, of all the other evenings, I forgot my phone at our house in Cubao. My mom's office mate's dad died this morning. I wore a red shirt today and after spending some time in Divisoria this afternoon I decided to put my jeans in the laundry basket and to wear shorts instead. I wasn't dressed appropriately for a wake. That's why when they told me we'd pay a visit to the dead, I rushed to the extra room where all my clothes are and changed. There, I left my cell phone. We weren't even 500 meters away when I realized I had no phone but then, I decided not to go back for it since I've caused enough delay already.

After the visit, my dad suggested we eat somewhere in accordance to the ritual of making "pagpag" after being in a wake. We were all not in the mood to take in more food; I could've just said we go back to Stanford for my phone but I didn't.

When I got home and went on line, I thought of what to post as my Facebook status and this was what came out of my mind:

I forgot my phone. Maybe it's a sign? :)

Yes, with a :) I was trying to make myself feel better because really, I've been thinking of a message from you, or maybe wishing. Christmas came, I managed not to make a move. But just this morning, I was almost sure I can't stand it anymore. I said to myself "Just an email and that's it. Short but meaningful and that's it. I won't say a word if you send a reply."

I forgot my phone, jokingly I asked "is it a sign?" and damnit this happened. Of all days I've waited, it had to happen tonight. My head says loud and clear "it's a sign!" but something in me tells me "what the fuck, you can't stand it in the first place so don't play confused" And really, I don't know. It's just a message, it's just a simple greeting. For old times sake or just to avoid being labeled bitter or whatever. Then again, I've worked so hard to keep myself away from you. For you to not know anything about me. I once failed when I met up with Bea and I told myself, it would be the last thing I'd do to ruin these walls I'm building between us.

I told Pam I'm scared to get hurt with what you might say. If you tell me you're doing fine and you're happy already, it might break my heart. If you tell me you miss me, it would tear me apart. If you tell me anything between those lines or nothing at all, I'd still feel the same shit.

I wish my mind would take a different direction soon. One where I become both peaceful and happy.

When Dark Clouds Surround your Dreamy Mind

If there are many gays and lesbians in our midst, fine! We should respect their rights…But they should not also go around town proclaiming their preferences as if it was a badge of honor…
Gays and lesbians should be happy society tolerates them. They should not abuse society’s doting attitude towards them. - Ramon Tulfo

I read this while browsing tumblr today. It was posted a week ago.

I realized I've been resting for a month now. I eat, sleep, surf the internet, go out for a walk, watch House etc. If I had a list, what's going on in his country was the last item on it. I lived my days relaxed, alone, peaceful. This is how it went until I heard what happened in Maguindanao. Actually, the whole thing was already in the news for 2 days before I really paid attention to it. The details give me goosebumps, the incident itself makes me want to just shut up and feel scared. What the fuck is happening in this country?

I wrote blogs about the presidentiables months ago. I was talking about Villar and Mar when I stopped. Noynoy came into the picture, Chiz then not Chiz, Erap again - there's just so many things that's happening I can't even begin to write them down. It's a goddamn circus.

And now, as I write again, I write about these terrible news that currently flood the people's mind, including mine.

“My wife’s private parts were slashed four times, after which they fired a bullet into it. They speared both of her eyes, shot both her breasts, cut off her feet, fired into her mouth. I could not begin to describe the manner by which they treated her.” — Buluan Vice Mayor Esmael Mangudadatu

How violent can people get? Are we in fucking ancient China? They just buried people for Chrissake it's getting unbelievably disgusting. Is this the democracy they're bragging about?

And now, Tulfo, the oh-so-macho journalist thinks gays and lesbians are trying to abuse society.

Oo nga naman, hayaan nyo na lang yung mga “machong” lalaki mambugbog ng asawa, mam-bully ng anak at kapit-bahay, mambabae. Astig yun! Baka yun ang badge of honor? Tapos gawin natin silang congressman, governor, tapos may private army sila para may maipang-massacre. Nakakadiri kaya mga bading at tomboy compared sa machong lalaki.

Tulfo, you fucking idiot. Have you thought about life? What if one of the victims in the Maguindanao massacre was a young gay/lesbian journalist who haven't lived his/her life because of people like you? People who restrict, who command, who judge. People who say "makuntento ka na lang, tino-tolerate ka na nga gusto mo pa magkaron ng representation". Yup, just limit what other people wants to achieve. Macho ka e, suntukin mo na lang kaya si Danton Remoto para mas astig ka. How can you even belittle gays and lesbians for immorality when fucking straight people can be just as or more immoral than them. Will the COMELEC ban every Ampatuan who plans to run for office? Can they? All they can bully are groups who seek representation. For Chrissake, there's a Marijuana Party in Canada and the US, the Western "idols" of this third world country, and the COMELEC can't even grant a level playing field for gays and lesbians. Yes, not even a chance.

Sometimes, I wish it was that easy to seclude yourself a dream of your life ahead.

Is it too Early to Feel Nostalgic?

Because I have a bad feeling.

My head feels light. Really. I am not in a good state. I found myself nodding in class a while ago without even processing the words that enter my ears. Yes, I am just pissed and tired of this kind of things. I'm not failing. I just have to re-focus my study. I just have to find new materials. I just have to start again; not from zero, maybe from 0.5 (or whatever positive integer). Seriously, I wanted to disappear at that moment, or be hit by a car, or go crazy. This is the only thing I have now. I can't fail. This is the only thing I can work on.

My professor sent an e-mail. I do not know if it is out of compassion or just an act to make my life even more difficult. I shall find myself tomorrow. I shall find myself... in the library.

Whatever That Means

Damn it. I was supposed to blog about my dream but I had to do my report and forgot it.

The only things I remember

I was in a cozy pad in some province in the South (how did I know? well, it just felt the South) which had a beautiful garden and a gazebo. The pad was small with white walls, zen inspired furniture and the sound of flowing water from the fountain outside. Yes, very much my type. I was with someone and two other "friends" came ("friends" because I don't really know them, one was a guy Filipino actor, the other I can't even remember the face). I think we spent the afternoon talking about random stuff. We had to sleep in a King sized bed. I had bleep with someone while the two "friends" were sleeping. When I woke up in the morning, the unidentified "friend" told me the actor was dead. I freaked out thinking "oh that's why he didn't wake up when you know". I almost cried, it was so scary. Just when we were about to leave at lunch time, the police were already coming and the place was getting crowded, I looked outside the door and saw an old man reading the newspaper, munching on biscuits with a cup of coffee on his side.

:|

The nth Summer Morning

I sometimes feel I cannot get through this. I still daydream of things with you, or remember happy moments. Then I think about how you think of me - that what I did was ridiculous, stupid, silly. I do not feel respect in those words. Who did not listen to who? It's too late now. I'm too pissed and frustrated. I did it, you did what was for me, the most painful; and you did not mind. Becuase for you it was not wrong. For you. And for him. It was the only thing important. I do not want to play the arguments all over again. You did not want me to leave but things were never the same again. I do not like how you treat me, think of me, talk to me. I cannot think of anything that makes me want to stay near you except the fact that I (you know what). But everytime I think about you I remember what you did, I question why can't you just do whatever would make me forget, why can't you understand that pain cannot be rationalized and all I want is for you to respect the pain you gave me, that I tried to endure. Respeto lang dun sa six years. I just wanted to live without seeing the very cause of my suffering. But you kept on insisting there was nothing wrong. You did me wrong, why should you set the parameters of what I should feel just because you think "there's nothing wrong"

Bottom line is, as what you've said a few weeks ago, it's too late.

I wish you didn't tell me you didn't want me to leave. It made (and perhaps, makes) me think twice. You are that someone. But again, you have your own life now, own plans and priorities. None of which I am a part of. How can I be your person?

That was my favorite picture of us by the way. I wish we could have stayed together, happy like those days. (Ugh. Shut up.)

Some Things are More Important

I haven't done much today. Read a little, slept, went on line, thought...

I skipped my meals. Mom cooked for me in the afternoon. As I sat with her at the table, she began ranting again. I can't say rant is the right word. She looked so sad; her eyes were tired.

Tin, my younger cousin, might not be able to enroll next trimester. Tito Jess just had an eye operation to remove his cataract. Tita Min has to have an eye operation too, she had a blackout a few days ago and they're talking about glaucoma. Tita Urdu has a mass in her breast. She might undergo an operation by October, then a biopsy. I'm really hoping it's not cancerous. Mom was so drained. She told me she wanted to give her siblings some help especially Tito Jess and his family but doesn't have enough money even for us. Kuya's tuition is eating up what's left of Mom's savings. I can't tell how much of it is left for her. Again she talks about how Dad can't manage our expenses and that she prefers not having a helper because she can no longer afford it.

As she was telling me these things, I just sat there, idle. I can't do much. I really can't do the chores. (Yes, I know I'm useless and all that) I suddenly felt so weak. Knowing that my thesis proposal is not doing well and I'm at the verge of dropping, all I can do is sigh and feel guilty. I can't fail now but I can't seem to get things right.

I'm thinking of work. No matter what happens, I have to work by November - with or without a diploma. I can't be a burden.

It's Like Yin and Yang

Today was a good day!

When I try to recall today's events, I can say it was a balance of good and bad.

I got a 2.5, 3 and 4 for my thesis proposal. What a way to start the day right?

I reflected a bit at the library then decided to drop by Miko's room just for a short conversation. After all, I haven't seen her for days, not even talked to her through text. We had a pleasant, a little funny and "comforting" conversation as usual. (She said "ang ganda/sexy mo today...syempre pinapaganda ko lang pakiramdam mo" I told that to Erika and she said "Ganon talaga si Miko no? May pagka-blunt." And we both laughed!)

Erika, Thesa, Pam and I decided to have lunch at Philcoa. Jollibee! I ordered chicken and spaghetti as usual. Thesa ordered a feast! Burger steak with rice, mushroom soup, and yes, chicken and spaghetti too! I always enjoy having lunch with friends. It's fun, full of conversations of just about anything, and very light (or viri viri light in our acquired gay language).

Pam was sitting beside the window. We noticed she was making faces with a kid outside. She suddenly blurted "Bilhan ko kaya sya ng spaghetti?" I, was a little shocked. Yes, she gives coins to street kids, gave 20php to the scholar from Antipolo who sells 60php worth of ballpen and the likes; but it was a bit different buying food for a street kid. It's not like you give them something you can't finish or giving your extra sandwich, it just felt different. She called the little girl and they went to the counter together. Pam ushered the kid to the next table and the girl shyly started to eat her spaghetti (and mushroom soup from Thesa). Thesa said "Naiiyak naman ako kay Pam, na-touch ako." We laughed but yes, I, myself was touched as well. I asked Pam after, "French fries pa?" She just replied "Di na, wala na kong anju (money) haha"

I was amazed. I have never done that. I am usually apathetic to street kids. And if sympathetic, hanggang dun na lang yun. I am not generous to strangers. I wish I could be a more giving person. I will try!

We went back to U.P. at around 1:30 p.m. Since I was an hour early for my 193 class, I dropped by Antas and decided to buy a book: "Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl". It was just 100php; not bad for a bored person like me.

Pam texted me at around 3:30 p.m. She said they went with Joy to the pier. I quickly said I wanted to come. Too bad they were already at Taft Ave. I suddenly felt that I shouldn't have come to class. (haha) I was a little disappointed. I really wanted to come and see the pier (and you know, it's Manila!) Then I thought I really wanted a Mudslide (I've been telling Pam and Thesa that I wanted to drink but Ministop Philcoa didn't have any).

After class, I asked Miko to drink with me and that I particularly wanted to drink a Mudslide. She had to meet Ana though. Good thing Erika went with me and suggested to go to technohub. I bought a Mudshake, not a Mudslide (what's the difference btw?) and she ordered her coffee at CBTL. Again, it was light. I finished my drink and so did she. We talked about all sorts of things again. More light this time, nothing about current events and politics. It was fun!

I tried to wait for the kids from the pier but I felt so tired. Erika left and I sat there, sleepy, at CBTL. I decided to go home.

It's breezy!

Now I'm off to read Anne Frank again. Ciao!

Mars Vs. Caparas

Mars Ravelo's Family Breaks Silence on Carlo J. Caparas Award

A contact from Plurk shared this link and I am re posting. Erika and I have talked about this issue last week. It was said loud and clear that Manoling Morato is a moron blabbing about how great Carlo J. Caparas is. Nailabas na ang pagiging agit at lahat. But it does not seem to stop. Everytime I read atricles about this issue, I end up frowning.

What the hell is with Manoling and Carlo J.?

Manoling tries to defend his dear Carlo J. by lambasting other artists. And take note, artists na hindi ka-level ni Caparas. As in he's way under their level. Morato's arguments are just so idiotic.

Caparas on the other hand, tries to defend himself as well. As in effort! Parang pinagpipilitan na niya ang award sa kanya.

And one more thing, I may not be a Mars Ravelo fan but indeed, her deserve the NAA more than Carlo Caparas. Carlo may have produced a great number of komiks (none of them I knew of btw) but always remember, it's not about the quantity but the quality.

Illustration by David Sysing