Some Things are More Important

I haven't done much today. Read a little, slept, went on line, thought...

I skipped my meals. Mom cooked for me in the afternoon. As I sat with her at the table, she began ranting again. I can't say rant is the right word. She looked so sad; her eyes were tired.

Tin, my younger cousin, might not be able to enroll next trimester. Tito Jess just had an eye operation to remove his cataract. Tita Min has to have an eye operation too, she had a blackout a few days ago and they're talking about glaucoma. Tita Urdu has a mass in her breast. She might undergo an operation by October, then a biopsy. I'm really hoping it's not cancerous. Mom was so drained. She told me she wanted to give her siblings some help especially Tito Jess and his family but doesn't have enough money even for us. Kuya's tuition is eating up what's left of Mom's savings. I can't tell how much of it is left for her. Again she talks about how Dad can't manage our expenses and that she prefers not having a helper because she can no longer afford it.

As she was telling me these things, I just sat there, idle. I can't do much. I really can't do the chores. (Yes, I know I'm useless and all that) I suddenly felt so weak. Knowing that my thesis proposal is not doing well and I'm at the verge of dropping, all I can do is sigh and feel guilty. I can't fail now but I can't seem to get things right.

I'm thinking of work. No matter what happens, I have to work by November - with or without a diploma. I can't be a burden.