No Title in Mind

What's going on, chicharon?

Lol. I have watched Mikey Bustos vids yesterday and got a bit addicted.

Anyway, I just thought of blogging. These are such crazy, busy days. The heat is almost unbearable. The work load is just pouring and office duties are, sometimes, crushing my bones.

BTW I have gained 20lbs in 3 months. If I was challenged in a reality show to gain weight, it would've been "chicken" to me. Heh.

So, I have no concrete blog flow. This is just a random rambling so please do not think of red marks while reading.

Three of my closest friends graduated this week - Ayee, Erika and Pao. I love them to pieces and I'm so happy we're all in the jungle now lol. I was at Ayee's grad party last night, I wish I had one too :( I got to spend time with Pao and Pma after a long long time! Exponential hearts.

I'm quite sad though, I feel like we should stop referring to Pao and Pma as Pampao. I feel like, despite unwavering public demand, they're not gonna get back together. :((

It's hard having friends you love so dearly break up. Alam mo yun? We're like their fans kaya. Huhu

So much for that. Moving on...

ALFD's lola died. We went to the wake and had a great time. I know it sounds wrong but we did hehe. It's not like we made fun of the wake ok? We just played cards and "gambled" like what old folks do on lamays. It was the first time I went to a wake with just my friends.

Oh life.

It's funny I get so irritated easily by you. Sana babae ka na lang. At sana gusto kita so you'd be my happy crush. Kaso hindeee. Pft.

I really had something to blog about but I can't. Gonna keep it to myself tonight.

Ciao siopao!

Birthday

I celebrated my birthday a week ago. Was too busy to blog about it. Anyhoo, it went great! We had lunch at the office where ze officemates have been very thoughtful in reminding me I have to feed them lol. We also had our family get together the Sunday after the streak of bdays. Chinese food as usual.

Thanks for all the fb/cyber greets, texts, calls. Yay :)

My brother gave me a bigger Mario as a present. Isn't he kinda sweet? HAHA. Oh we're growing old. Maybe growing up as well :)

23 years and counting. 23 years, still fighting. 23 years, I'm having a great time :)

The Good Things Over the Bad Ones

So you see, the universe is not so bad after all.

On Family:

My uncle's operation went well. I did not know what to say when I saw him.

A year ago, I bought a bike and asked him to teach me. He went to QC Circle every morning to jog. Waking up early always felt like a punishment for me so I got to go with him only twice. By June, I got a job and thought, "well, maybe some other time".

And then he got sick again. His leg got infected and now, it's gone. I feel deeply sorry for all the mornings I've wasted.

My dad handed his wife the death certificate, she said "kailangan pa ba nito? parang nakakatakot naman". It may sound and look morbid, it may give you goosebumps, signing a death certificate of someone (someone's leg to be exact) who's still alive makes you fear his/her death even more. But it needs to be done.

A part of him died.

He raised his right limb and held on to his thighs. Below his knee was the bondage. And then nothing. It breaks my heart seeing that a part of him died.

Amputation is such a hard way of saving a life. Yet I find relief in the fact that he is still alive. At the end of the day, we are all thankful that he's still fighting with us.

On Work:

Some people put more value in work relationships than work itself. I now find myself in the list of those "some people". I haven't been working for a long time, people might think I don't know anything about office politics and I still have the hang of college optimism, and stuff. You know, that I'm still just a "kid".

Well kids, this is just my humble opinion:

I came to realize that in a work place, ranking is a mere title just as salary is a mere figure; but character - character is the real measure of pride. I stand by people who, I know, are working hard, do not kiss ass, do not act for themselves at the expense of others, do not use their position to pick favorites, to bring down rivals, and to abuse things and people "under their authority". I have seen people do ugly things - things that are unnecessary, unfair, and worse, unethical.

I am just happy that I share bottles of beer with real people.

On Myself:

I still do not know what to do with myself. I still don't have a plan and it scares me. I'm still not an overachiever, or maybe, not yet an achiever at all. Surprisingly though, I am motivated. I think I'm done with the self-pity, I-am-a-meaningless-mediocre-person stage. So yeah, cheers!

On a Lighter Note:

Keep me diverted. I'm enjoying it. :)

Feb 26, 2011

I have known from my mom this afternoon that my uncle's right leg would be amputated. The family fought to save that leg.

Recently, I decided not to go home to Cubao. I felt like it was a complicated place to live in. My mom's not there, Tito's sick, no internet to divert me etc. I did not want to add on to the burdens of the household. I do not know why, but it just became depressing.

I used get off from work and I pass by my uncle's room and we chat, sometimes for more than an hour. I see how bored he is. I see him not being able to stand up. Then I remember about 6 months ago he was so strong and healthy. I get pissed.

Sometimes when I'm so tired I resent that I have to visit him instead of hitting the sack. Sometimes I want to buy things but I can't because I feel guilty spending money that could help him buy his meds. I feel sorry for him and I feel bad about myself.

We have a very close relationship with the extended family. My dad's side to be specific. My dad has 3 siblings, all of them do not have kids. I fear that when they get old I would not be able to provide for them.

Results of the LAE came out early this month. It was not a surprise that I did not pass. At the time I decided to push through the application, I thought "why not take the LAE? So when people ask me why I didn't pursue law school I could just answer I did not pass." For a time I got tired answering the question and getting that "what if" statements.

Now I realized, I'm so good at making messed up decisions. Coming from a middle-middle class family with a lot of sickness history, I should have set a plan with this life early on.

I woke up this morning so confused and irritated because I do not know what to do with my life. I failed the LAE, was not able to apply for grad school, don't have enough time for the Thurs deadline for Henri's suggestion. I have not accomplished anything because up to now, I do not have a clear plan.

I'm getting scared. They try not to involve us so much on these family problems. The problem is that we are. Sooner or later we would have to face these, handle these, take care of these things. I should be capable. I have to have a plan.

Sunday Thoughts

I used to feel so low and bored to death on Sunday afternoons. It was like a tormenting event I had to go through every week. I kind of miss those Sundays.

My brother’s going to have his graduation picture taken next week. 3rd year in Med School.

I can’t believe how time goes by so fast when you’re past 20. I remember whining and telling people I did not want to go to law school because I was already tired of studying.

Here I am now, forcing myself to sleep because I would have to go to work tom., doing a job I do not even like. I ask myself over and over again, “What have I done with my life?” I spent my childhood wanting to become a doctor. But everything changed.

I became me. Where did this come from? How did I get myself to this? The biggest question though, is “How do I get out of this?”

I think I forgot to grow up.

Shoes! :)

I have been very kuripot on myself for the past six months. I spent so much last December. Bought gifts for friends and family, ate out a lot, took cabs whenever I went somewhere and of course shopped for myself - finally. Aside from clothes (I only bought cheap ones), I spent my money on shoes. I bought 3 pairs in a span of a month. I had ordered the red Oxfords at Glenmore (it looks kinda pink on the picture, bad camera!), bought the Slamjam design of B-Sides from Sueno de Espadrilles (the classics were always as in ALWAYS out of stock), and bought the Cat in the Hat Dr. Seuss Chuck Taylors from Converse out of impulse (I got the size 3, biggest size for kids. I bought a cheap black espadrilles and a thong slippers (like one of those with beads you would usually wear on summers, idk what they're called) at Greenhills last week. Yey!

Oh I'm one happy kid.

I'm thinking of Glenmore's boat shoes and Renegade/PabDer loafers. Mmm. :)

Word Diaries 1

Not Just Another Sunday

I'm savouring this moment. I don't know why. I feel like I'm holding on to something. I didn't know holidays and long weekends bring people's emotional side. Haha. Lord, please let me endure the next weeks and months :( Things are getting harder and harder for me to tolerate.

I remember there was a time when I used to hate Sundays. Like after our grocery routine, I feel so bored and drained. I feel like there's nothing else to do blahblah. It was kind of "depressing" I really don't know why. Now, I just realized, after those Sundays were whole weeks of learning in school with friends. It was wonderful.

:)

It's been a great week!

Tue: Had dinner with Carmi and Pam. Went to Taytay to visit Carmi's mom. Got her things from Kuya Bongit's shop and transferred them to Pma's place. First motorcycle ride! (from Taytay to Cainta junction)

Wed: Chicken all you can at Max's with my family! Plus late night expo hang out with N.

Fri: Dinner at Cibola. Erika Kevin Fiona Carmi Zion Pam Pao Joy Neka Grace. Just like the old times :)

May I emphasize? I LOVE TODAY.

Ang mga Huling Kumento

Dahil pawala na ang Grad hype ko, pwede na ako mag blog. Kung tungkol sa Cheer Dance Compet nga sinusulat ko, dapat ito din.

Minsan naiisip ko, hindi rin pala simple ang nakalipas na 5 taon. Ang dami ko ng pinagdaanan. Nag BS Math ako sa UPLB nung 1st year, Pre-Dent sa UPM ng 2nd year, Polsc sa Diliman nung 3rd year hanggang sa napagod na'ko kaka-shift at tinapos ko na.

Nagkaroon na ko ng phase kung saan nag struggle akong kilalanin ang sarili ko, tapos nagkaroon ako ng freedom phase - nagyosi, inuman, mga usapang paglaban sa status quo, etc. Tapos biglang may clique phase, sandamakmak na chismisan, panglalait, tuksuhan. Meron ding anti-social period (matagal to e) - yung wala lang ako kinakausap sa mga kaklase ko tapos hindi ako nagsusuklay, nakapambahay ako lagi, ang luluwag ng suot ko't nakatsinelas pa'ko nung parang gulong, yun bang ako yung tipo ng taong di mo iisiping i-chummy. Nagkaron din ako ng cranky phase - nakakainis lahat ng tao, napaka-corny ng love konsepto lang naman yun, lahat ng nagrerecite nagmamagaling etc. Ewan ko, lately nagka conscious phase naman ako. Tinatanong ko yung mga kaibigan ko lagi "mataba ba ko?" "mukha ba kong tomboy?" "may dumi ba ko sa mukha?" "pangit na ba buhok ko?" "halata bang madumi sapatos ko?".

Hindi ko na rin minsan malaman, ano na ba talaga ako sa mga nabanggit? Wala, lahat, depende sa panahon. Basta ang alam ko, pagkatapos ng 5 taon, masaya ako sa mga naranasan ko. Pagkatapos ng 5 taon, alam kong natuto ako.

Syempre nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos, sa magulang ko, pamilya ko, mga kaibigan ko, mga guro (lalo na kay Prof. Casambre), kay sered na rin siguro... pero higit sa lahat, nagpapasalamat ako sa sarili ko. Dahil sa lahat ng intra at interpersonal kong problema, sa lahat ng hinanakit ko sa pamilya, sa lahat ng panghihinayang ko sa buhay, sa bawat pangiinsulto sa pagkatao ko, sa lahat ng pagkakataong nasakatan ang puso ko, sa lahat ng pagka-cut at inumang inuna ko, sa lahat ng "agit at nega na energy" at katamaran na dala-dala ko sa aking katawan, sa bawat segundong inisip ko sana maglaho na lang ako, hindi ako nagpatalo. Hindi ako sumuko. Kahit wala na kong data at di pa ko kumakain, kahit namumugto ang mata kong pumapasok sa klase, kahit nauubos ang baon ko sa pagpapa-photocopy, kahit sumasakit ang paa ko sa paglalakad, kahit gutom ako sa klase, o inaantok, kahit bored na bored na ko sa buhay ko, kahit ayaw sakin ng prof o ng mga group mates ko at kahit pa pinagdududahan ko na ang sarili ko, tinapos ko.

Hindi man ako kasing talino at sing galing ng ibang tao, maging kasing yaman ng pinangarap ko, masaya ako.Hindi matatawaran ang under grad experience.

Ok, so unemployed ako. Sabi nga nung Suma ng Ling, welcome sa gubat ng kahirapan!!!

PS nakakalungkot baka wala na'ko ma-post under UP tag :(

Ayoko na Mag-isip ng Sagot

Back in college:

Dad: "Pagkatapos mo gumraduate, bahala ka na gawin mo gusto mo."

Just last night: (After watching Live AIDS)

Mom: "Tapos ka na mag-aral, di mo na kailangan yan, diversion lang yan... etc etc etc"

HA??? Ano daw? Di nga? May point ba?

Mom: "Hindi mo ko naiintindihan..." "Maiintindihan mo ko pag naging magulang ka na."

Ako kaya naintindihan nyo? Isa pa, wala yata ako plano magka-anak. Pagod na ko. Hindi na lang ako kumibo. Pera lang sana, pera na lang kailangan ko. Para makatulong sa inyo, para magkaron ng lugar na sa'kin lang, para mas simple ang mga bagay.

There's more to living than being alive.

Pag may gustong gusto kang makuha na tingin ng iba hindi para sayo tapos nakuha mo, inaabangan ng lahat ng tao yung panahon na sasabihin mo, hindi pala ganon kadali o kasaya yun.

Kunyari yung pinsan ko na ayaw lumipat sa LA dahil nandun lahat ng pamilya nya. Gusto nya i-try sa Florida kasi siguro (sabi ng tatay ko) ayaw nya na pinapakialaman sya/sila ng pamilya nya. Nung pinanganak yung anak nya at nahirapan sya mag alaga, sabi ng matatanda, yan na nga ba, ayaw pa nya dun, tingnan nyo hindi rin sya tumagal sa Florida. Wow! Tama sila! Another victory para sa mga tanders! Sa mga bata na nahihirapan at humihingi ng tulong sa mga magulang, hindi ko alam ang tawag satin. Kawawa? Hindi naman siguro. Mahirap lang, mahirap yung may gusto ka at di mo magawa kaya kailangan mo ng tulong, kaya kailangan isipin nila mali ka. Mali ba yung gustuhin mong mabuhay ayon sa gusto mo? Mali bang gustuhin mong magdesisyon para sa sarili mo? Tapos kapag dependent ka naman sa mga magulang/kamag-anak sasabihin naman nila tamad ka, wala kang sariling desisyon. Lalo na pag lalaki, sasabihin nila "wala to, hindi marunong" Gusto nila yung tamang tama lang. Yung kailangan mo sila pero wag kang abuso. Tama naman db? Pag naging successful at independent ka very proud sila. Dun lang. Dun ka lang masusunod sa buhay mo ng walang nega. Dun lang. Kelan pa kayo yun para sakin? Kasi lumipas na ang HS at ang College. Tumatanda na ko, hindi ko na kaya magtry ng mga bagong bagay, yung mga kaibigan ko tapos na sa phase na gusto kong subukan. Nakakatakot na baka kapag may resources at "right" na kong magdesisyon at mabuhay ayon sa gusto ko, tapos na; nalipasan na ko nga panahon.

Hindi ko naranasan yung outing/sleepover ng barkada tapos papasok sa Lunes ng pagod pero sobrang saya. Hindi ko naranasan yung all out na magccontribute para sa extra curricular activity na tipong walang tulog at walang uwi, hindi ko naransan na biglang lumayo pag gusto ko mapag-isa lang o magpalipas ng problema kasama ang kaibigan pag pakiramdam ko wala ako magawa. Marami akong di nagawa, na gusto ko sanang gawin. Kaya yung utak ko kung san san pumupunta. Napupunta sa mga bagay na di ko magawa kahit sa mga bagay na hindi ko gusto gawin.

Tumatanda akong nanghihinayang sa mga panahong nawala, nabubuhay ako na walang magawa kundi isipin kung kelan ko kaya mababawi yung mga panahon na sana parang normal na tao lang ako. Habang tumatagal, nagiging masama ang pakiramdam ko tungkol sa buhay ko. Na minsan gusto kong maging masaya sa bahay pero wala akong gana kasi lagi naman ako nandito at walang magawa. Minsan gusto ko magkwento sa mga kaibigan pero wala ako makwento kasi wala naman akong nararanasan na magandang i-share sa kanila. Hindi ko alam kung anong maganda sakin kasi parang ang flat ng nga bagay, walang character. Kaya wala. Sino na ba talaga ko after 22 yrs? Ako yung taong laging nasa bahay, hindi close sa magulang, walang masabi sa mga usapan, wala masyadong maipagmalaki, nakukuntento dahil di maghihirap pero yun na lang yun.

Hindi ako nag-effprt mag-aral kasi yun lang ang consuelo ko. Yung malaman sa sarili ko na kahit masarap ang tulog ko sa gabi pumapasa ko habang yung iba laging ngang masaya bagsak naman. Yun lang ang spontaneous sa buhay ko - pag aaral. Dun ko lang kayang sabihin na "bahala na" na di masabi pag may lakad kasi laging "hindi ako pwede" lang ang kaya king isagot.

Kaya ayun.

You think when you're bored

I forgot to share some stories, actually most of them, when I was with her yesterday. I also did not want to react to certain things. I'm not sure if it was just low energy, a bit disappointment bec we didn't catch the 7pm show, or I was just really playing passive on purpose. The movie was the highlight. I don't remember saying anything or hearing anything that's special. We held hands for a long time, that's what I always love. Actually, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy and love the night at all. I guess it was just a bit weird that don't remember the conversation. Plus, usually when we go out, I always have something to share with friends, something that she said in particular. That's how I pay attention when she speaks, that's how I remember her words. Even things that won't interest my friends, I can't help but tell them because really, that's what I remember. I guess I'm just not used to it - that I can't recall our conversation. I also considered the possibility that I wasn't interested with her stories but, I don't think that's it. At one point, I was looking at her and I thought, does this mean I'm loving her less?

It sucks when I think this way. I want to think free - free of doubts, free of fear, free of bad memories. It's hard to do that. It's hard to reach that stage.

Then people would say all these profound things about accepting, moving on, growing up, forgiving etc. Believe me, I've done everything I could think of to find a solution. I just want to feel okay. I want to stop worrying and geting hurt and worrying about getting hurt and getting hurt because I worry.

I want to stop thinking if this is right, if by doing this I look like a fool, if I deserve it, if I'm doing it right, if my efforts are not enough, if I'm not enough... whatever. I want to wake up and go to sleep each day with peace and confidence that later or tom I won't end up crying and feeling crappy. I want to try to be ok and actually achieve that.

I want to stop thinking about this. If could just stop feeling. If could just choose to respond to things that are purely pleasant and ignore those that bring uncertainty into my life.

You know, sometimes you just want it to be sunny without any effort, without any side effects and without any deep history.

The Expectations - Reality at it's Worst

I've been thinking and planning for days. Playing those scenes in my mind over and over again. It should have been a week from now but last week there came a "good news". Yup, it was moved today. It was all good at first until I knew that Kuya's exam actually starts today. Then, that I had fever, then sore throat, then dry cough! Then, that we might have to go to Cubao this afternoon for my cousins. THEN, THAT MY DAD WOULD NOT GO TO WORK EARLY BECAUSE HE HAS TO DRIVE MY BROTHER AND MY MOM TO THE STATION FIRST. And yes, he was the first one to wake up. I don't know why on earth couldn't he just move faster. He just have to take a damn shower and put on a shirt, pants and a pair of shoes with a pair of socks. JUST THAT SIMPLE and he couldn't do it fast. So there goes days of planning. Argh. I'm so disappointed. Why? Why now? I mean, of all days that this could all happen, why now? I'm so upset it makes me want to cry. Some people are just plain worse than me, but they don't get this, do they? I'm up at fucking 730 a.m. ranting! And blogging by the way.

I'm in this quest of finding the best solution to a long-running problem. I should've numbered them one by one to know how many times I've failed to execute my plans.

Plan # unidentified (2010): Maybe I'd see you on Wednesdays, need not be every week, and make it a point to be pleasant and nice to each other. When we're together, it's as if we're together. When we're not together, we're not together. How's that?

I've done a lot of thinking. When I think I know what option would hurt least, I try to go for it. It would work, until it hurts. I then find another option - it would work, until it hurts. It would always feel good, until it hits me - it's another night in my room with tight grips on my pillow just so I won't sound like a crying kid who can't sleep but can't watch cartoons either.

Sometimes, things get so superficial that it hurts like hell tonight but I'll be too lazy to think of it tomorrow.

I haven't done anything productive today. Signing off.

Speed

Things happen so fast. How fast should it happen? When you say you need time, it takes time - how much time do you really need? How much time before other people say "That's too much" I really don't know.
I take too much time in moving on. I have a hard time forgetting. It's really difficult for me. Now, I hope and pray things happen fast enough (not that days would go by faster, I mean things happen everyday that no day is wasted) so I can outgrow negative thoughts that linger in my head every night.
I hope things would go the way I want them to. Yun lang. I want to leave all these hate behind. People suck. I have to accept that. They don't think, feel, and I act like I do. Ok? I have to deal with that. I have to learn how to deal with that.
I hope someday, when I look at you, I'd remember only the good things.

Last Day Home Alone This December

I was actually planning to go to the mall today to watch either Inglorious Basterds or Fantastic Mr. Fox, or both hehe. But I remembered, my mom and brother would be staying home starting next week. So here, I decided to stay home and go online the whole day, interrupted by siesta and cooking my own food. (When I cook, it's always with eggs or potatoes, I cooked with potatoes today.) Now I'm eating those chocolate coated biscuits and drinking milk. I've been drinking a lot of milk these days. I think it's good!

Ok, random stuff.

I went to apply for a publishing specialist for Thomson Reuters yesterday. I was a bit confused why I'm applying for that position when I indicated that I'm interested for a position in the legal department. Anyway, to cut the story short, te jon involved editing and proof reading and html codes. Ugh. I failed the test. It sucks to fail of course but I don't really feel like crap since it's not an IQ test or something. I sure wanted to work at Thomson Reuters but definetly not as someone who edits legal documents to upload on their website. Just last week I thought I should just opt to find a job in the department but I'm really thinking of HR now after what happened at TR.

It feels weird, when I like a song, out of nowhere I find people who like it as well. Lat night, I posted the lyrics of El Scorcho as a status on Facebook. Today, I found it at Tumblr. Someone had made it a "picture", you know, I Can Read style, or rather, Tumblr style. A few weeks or maybe more than a month ago, I downloaded Can't Take My Eyes of You (Andy Williams) and then poof! They were already using it on PBB. I can't remember all the other songs but yeah, it happened a couple of times.

Umm, ok they're here. Ciao!

Unlined Notebooks

Really, why am I so concerned about this notebook? I've been thinking where else to find one, which one to buy, etc. I want to have it by Christmas. I love those blank, yellowish pages :)

Since I threw every bit of paper I've written on about my life and how I felt for the past 6 years, I suddenly felt the need to buy a special one - a special something where I'd write and draw the days I'd live from now on. Lalalala. And the song goes on and on... My precious alone time. :)

Lately

I've been NOT looking for work. Not good.

I bought some clothes (jackets and shirts, not "corporate" ones so again, not good!) and spent around 2k. I was a bit surprised that I had money lol. My mom would be disappointed so I won't tell.

A while ago, I went to Eastwood to check the Toytown sale. I bought gifts for Alex, Fiona, and Zion. I also got myself a stuffed toy. (Ugh, I know. The regressing me)

So now, I'm munching on brownies and drinking milk. Ahh. I love these days!

I'm thinking of my "to buy list", I can't wait to get a job!

1. I saw this notebook at Eastwood Mall a while ago. It's just what I want. A little notebook that's a little too expensive. 700php. I hope I'll find a cheaper one but if not, I believe I would have to give in. I hope they still have it even after Christmas!

2. Pants. I need pants! Some slacks and stone washed jeans (even from ukay!) When I went to GH early this month, all I bought were shorts so I have some "pants-catching" to do.

3. I need button down shirts as well.

4. Another pair of loafers I guess; or one of those Paul Smith sneakers (sizes, why won't you come my way?)

5. Another jacket, the violet one. Or a sweatshirt.

6. The Samsonite attache case and the "The Best of Life" from Papu's store. (or maybe the period books of Kuya Tony)

7. Bonnet. (I think I'm going to give up the Northface bonnet and just buy the grey one at Babo, which cannot be searched online btw. WTF)

8. Dye my hair, put some highlights. (Ok, that should be on the "to do list" but I don't want to start a whole new list, so here.

9. Those beautiful Oxfords!

10. I just saw the Gameboy Micro this afternoon. I love it!!! :)


Frustrating but happy "to buy" thoughts! lol. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Don't Say Secret!

This "secret place" is not performing it's function. Why? Because I don't have secret feelings, secret agendas, secret pain, secret hatred, secret happiness, secret goals. In short, I'm okay. :)

Near that Division

Well, what can I say? Weeks after my last entry, many things have changed. I'm at home today, no classes. I got my 199 grade already. I spared this blog from the rants of making and revising 199. I feel relieved actually.

I'm very near to that point where I'm going to say "I'm finally graduating" 199 was my biggest fear and I survived that course. Now I'm just waiting for Econ. and fixing papers. I'm thinking of how it feels to have no rant posts under the UP tag. I feel sadness.

I believe I'm going to worry about new things now. There are times in your life that you love so much and it hurts you to leave them all behind, but the choice to stay will not make you happy either. So it's better to move on.

BTW, I'm a registered voter already.

I want to enjoy these times. I want to mark an end, and a beginning. :)