Am I just overanalyzing o may mga details lang talagang samana-wrong

Today:

Woke up.
Called Mon.
"Pa-load."
"Ok, number?"
"..."

Went back to my room.
Dialed.
"Hello?"
"Hello?"
"Hello?"
etc.
"Who's this?"
"Si Mela."
"Oh, hellooo!" (perky)
"Ito number mo?"
"Hindi naman ako nagpalit, ito pa rin yung luma."
"Oh, talaga?"
"Bakit ka tumawag? Merry Christmas!"
"Happy New Year."
"Yaman mo a, bakit ka tumawag?"
"Sira phone ko, minsan di maka-receive and makasend."
"Di mo pa rin pinapalitan?"
"Di pa e, baka yung sim ang problema"
"Tinext kita a."
"Wala akong na-receive. Saan mo sinend?"
"Dyan, sa number na yan."
...
"O sige na, ... tawagan na lang kita mamaya"
"Wag na nagttrabaho ka e"

"Who's this?" tapos tinext mo ko sa number na 'to? Parang fail...

Alta Presyon

How do I do this? Keri, I stay away. NOT. It's like whatever I do, I still look like an idiot. Even when I do nothing.

False Alarm

I think I was wrong. There wasn't anything, not even a word. So there, it's getting calm again.

Maybe just before this year ends, I'll realize there's a little more room for a little more drama.

Just this evening, of all the other evenings, I forgot my phone at our house in Cubao. My mom's office mate's dad died this morning. I wore a red shirt today and after spending some time in Divisoria this afternoon I decided to put my jeans in the laundry basket and to wear shorts instead. I wasn't dressed appropriately for a wake. That's why when they told me we'd pay a visit to the dead, I rushed to the extra room where all my clothes are and changed. There, I left my cell phone. We weren't even 500 meters away when I realized I had no phone but then, I decided not to go back for it since I've caused enough delay already.

After the visit, my dad suggested we eat somewhere in accordance to the ritual of making "pagpag" after being in a wake. We were all not in the mood to take in more food; I could've just said we go back to Stanford for my phone but I didn't.

When I got home and went on line, I thought of what to post as my Facebook status and this was what came out of my mind:

I forgot my phone. Maybe it's a sign? :)

Yes, with a :) I was trying to make myself feel better because really, I've been thinking of a message from you, or maybe wishing. Christmas came, I managed not to make a move. But just this morning, I was almost sure I can't stand it anymore. I said to myself "Just an email and that's it. Short but meaningful and that's it. I won't say a word if you send a reply."

I forgot my phone, jokingly I asked "is it a sign?" and damnit this happened. Of all days I've waited, it had to happen tonight. My head says loud and clear "it's a sign!" but something in me tells me "what the fuck, you can't stand it in the first place so don't play confused" And really, I don't know. It's just a message, it's just a simple greeting. For old times sake or just to avoid being labeled bitter or whatever. Then again, I've worked so hard to keep myself away from you. For you to not know anything about me. I once failed when I met up with Bea and I told myself, it would be the last thing I'd do to ruin these walls I'm building between us.

I told Pam I'm scared to get hurt with what you might say. If you tell me you're doing fine and you're happy already, it might break my heart. If you tell me you miss me, it would tear me apart. If you tell me anything between those lines or nothing at all, I'd still feel the same shit.

I wish my mind would take a different direction soon. One where I become both peaceful and happy.

The Dead Air Part of the Christmas Air

I think it's the first Christmas in more than five years that failed to make and receive a "Christmas message". And it's all good. We get by. Merry Christmas to you!

Pictures from 12/22/09 <3

Last Day Home Alone This December

I was actually planning to go to the mall today to watch either Inglorious Basterds or Fantastic Mr. Fox, or both hehe. But I remembered, my mom and brother would be staying home starting next week. So here, I decided to stay home and go online the whole day, interrupted by siesta and cooking my own food. (When I cook, it's always with eggs or potatoes, I cooked with potatoes today.) Now I'm eating those chocolate coated biscuits and drinking milk. I've been drinking a lot of milk these days. I think it's good!

Ok, random stuff.

I went to apply for a publishing specialist for Thomson Reuters yesterday. I was a bit confused why I'm applying for that position when I indicated that I'm interested for a position in the legal department. Anyway, to cut the story short, te jon involved editing and proof reading and html codes. Ugh. I failed the test. It sucks to fail of course but I don't really feel like crap since it's not an IQ test or something. I sure wanted to work at Thomson Reuters but definetly not as someone who edits legal documents to upload on their website. Just last week I thought I should just opt to find a job in the department but I'm really thinking of HR now after what happened at TR.

It feels weird, when I like a song, out of nowhere I find people who like it as well. Lat night, I posted the lyrics of El Scorcho as a status on Facebook. Today, I found it at Tumblr. Someone had made it a "picture", you know, I Can Read style, or rather, Tumblr style. A few weeks or maybe more than a month ago, I downloaded Can't Take My Eyes of You (Andy Williams) and then poof! They were already using it on PBB. I can't remember all the other songs but yeah, it happened a couple of times.

Umm, ok they're here. Ciao!

Unlined Notebooks

Really, why am I so concerned about this notebook? I've been thinking where else to find one, which one to buy, etc. I want to have it by Christmas. I love those blank, yellowish pages :)

Since I threw every bit of paper I've written on about my life and how I felt for the past 6 years, I suddenly felt the need to buy a special one - a special something where I'd write and draw the days I'd live from now on. Lalalala. And the song goes on and on... My precious alone time. :)

Lately

I've been NOT looking for work. Not good.

I bought some clothes (jackets and shirts, not "corporate" ones so again, not good!) and spent around 2k. I was a bit surprised that I had money lol. My mom would be disappointed so I won't tell.

A while ago, I went to Eastwood to check the Toytown sale. I bought gifts for Alex, Fiona, and Zion. I also got myself a stuffed toy. (Ugh, I know. The regressing me)

So now, I'm munching on brownies and drinking milk. Ahh. I love these days!

I'm thinking of my "to buy list", I can't wait to get a job!

1. I saw this notebook at Eastwood Mall a while ago. It's just what I want. A little notebook that's a little too expensive. 700php. I hope I'll find a cheaper one but if not, I believe I would have to give in. I hope they still have it even after Christmas!

2. Pants. I need pants! Some slacks and stone washed jeans (even from ukay!) When I went to GH early this month, all I bought were shorts so I have some "pants-catching" to do.

3. I need button down shirts as well.

4. Another pair of loafers I guess; or one of those Paul Smith sneakers (sizes, why won't you come my way?)

5. Another jacket, the violet one. Or a sweatshirt.

6. The Samsonite attache case and the "The Best of Life" from Papu's store. (or maybe the period books of Kuya Tony)

7. Bonnet. (I think I'm going to give up the Northface bonnet and just buy the grey one at Babo, which cannot be searched online btw. WTF)

8. Dye my hair, put some highlights. (Ok, that should be on the "to do list" but I don't want to start a whole new list, so here.

9. Those beautiful Oxfords!

10. I just saw the Gameboy Micro this afternoon. I love it!!! :)


Frustrating but happy "to buy" thoughts! lol. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Don't Say Secret!

This "secret place" is not performing it's function. Why? Because I don't have secret feelings, secret agendas, secret pain, secret hatred, secret happiness, secret goals. In short, I'm okay. :)